This post is about the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. On this page, you will read about its book review, book summary, best quotes, and the key lessons from the book.
The Five Love Languages in three sentences
The Five Love Languages talks about the five different ways people communicate and interpret love. By knowing the specific love language of your spouse, you will have a richer and more intimate relationship. This book will give you practical and relevant wisdom in handling marital conflicts and promoting love in your marriage.
Content at a glance
- Who is Gary Chapman?
- What Are the Five Love Languages?
- 5 Love languages Book Summary
- Related books
- 5 Love languages Book Review
- Negative reviews of 5 Love Languages
- Lessons from 5 Love Language book
- Best quotes from the 5 Love Languages Book
- Read The Five Love Languages Book
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Who is Gary Chapman?
Dr. Gary Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor in the United States. He is also a speaker and author who have written tens of books, which include his most popular book, “The Five Love Languages.
At the time of this writing, he is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world to give seminars about relationships and parenting. He also gives radio talks that air on more than 400 stations.
What Are the Five Love Languages?
Here’s a quick look at the five love languages detailed in Gary Chapman’s book:
Words of Affirmation
People express their love through words of affirmation or words that express appreciation, praise, and love.
People who have words of affirmation as their love language feel loved when you appreciate them and hear kind words from them.
Quality time is a love language spoken through giving your loved one your undivided attention. People who have this love language thrive not just by the amount you spend with each other, but by how you spend time together.
When a person’s love language is physical touch, he/she gives love by touching people. In return, he/she feels love when receiving physical affection.
For example, some men feel loved when they have sex. Some women love when their partner runs their hand down her/his back. Sometimes, physical touch is done through holding hands, cuddling on the couch, touching arms, hugging, or even giving a quick massage.
Acts of Service
A person who loves to serve other people is most likely a person who speaks the acts of service love language. This person likes to help in doing house chores, repairing things around the house, running errands, and whatever service they can provide.
As a result, they also feel loved when their spouse does things for them.
Receiving gifts is a love language that makes a person feel loved when they receive gifts. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. A simple handwritten letter or a handmade gift is enough for a person with this love language to feel valued and cared for.
On the other hand, people who love to receive gifts also give out gifts as a way for them to love others.
⚠️ Must read: Sometimes, it is easy to know your love language. However, this is not always the case. You can take the 30-question quiz from the official website of 5 Love Language to know your dominant love language.
5 Love languages Book Summary
The 5 Love Languages was written by Gary Chapman in 1992. It outlines the five ways how people feel loved and express love. These five languages are acts of service, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.
In the book, you will read the practical applications of each love language. Mr. Chapman used real-life situations and stories to discuss concepts and convey his message.
The author theorized that the reason married couples become estranged from each other is that they don’t speak the right language.
There’s a conflict because one spouse thinks he is giving love, but the other doesn’t interpret it as love because she has a different concept of what it means to be loved.
For Mr. Chapman, married couples would become more in tune with their spouse’s needs when they know this love language, speak the right love dialect, and improve how they communicate. In a way, this is the best method of filling the emotional tank of each other.
The book has sold millions of copies since it was first published. On January 1, 2015, a revised edition was released which is what you most likely read today.
Because of the great success and popularity of the 5 Love Languages, Mr. Chapman wrote related books that are addressed to various groups:
- The Five Love Languages Military Edition
- The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
- The Five Love Languages for Singles
- The 5 Love Languages for Men
- The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers
- The Five Love Languages of Children
- The 5 Apology Languages
- The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional
5 Love languages Book Review
There’s a reason that the 5 Love Languages book of Gary Chapman has remained one of the top books about marriage. It has consistently topped the best book sellers list.
Here are the things that I love about the book:
The book comes with wise and actionable insights. It doesn’t simply tell about marriage principles, highfalutin words of wisdom, relationship jargon, and theories.
When you understand the love language of your mate, a light bulb instantly sparked. You will better know how to express love and how you can become a better partner.
Easy to read and understand
The writer is no doubt a prolific author. Not only that, but I believe Mr. Chapman has a wonderful team of proofreaders and publishers who make sure that the book is written in the best way possible.
I believe the best thing about this book is that what it says actually works!
When I learned that my wife’s love language is acts of service, I was amazed at how washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and sweeping the floor make her feel loved!
I told my wife that my love language is words of affirmation and because of that, she gives me more kind and encouraging words.
I believe if this worked in our relationship, then it can also work for others and that’s exactly what I also discover in other married couples. They applied the principles in this book and see a great improvement in their relationship.
⚠️ Must read: If you are looking for other books to read, check out my ultimate list of the best Christian books of all time.
Negative reviews of 5 Love Languages
Personally, I would highly recommend people to read this book and not just the married couples. The book comes with super helpful and practical tips on how to make relationships work.
Now, I went to see what others say about this book. On Amazon, it has a rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars from more than 60,500 reviewers.
So, dominantly, there are a lot of positive reviews. However, there are also those that are negative.
I think the primary reason people don’t like this book is that it is written by a Christian. I read the book and I could see that there’s a minimal Christian element in the book. Although, you can easily surmise that it is written by a Christian fellow.
With this in mind, if you don’t believe in God, then this book isn’t for it. If you don’t mind a little Christianity in the book, then I would suggest you still read it.
Moreover, some reviewers say that the book is old-fashioned and should also include non-traditional marriage settings like homosexual marriages.
Well, if that’s what they want, then they should not read this book. It is ridiculous to read a book and expect it to conform to your values and give it a negative review simply because it didn’t meet your belief.
Lessons from 5 Love Language book
After reading the book, there are a lot of things I have learned. However, I would just like to share this lesson, which I believe is something we all need to take note of.
The lesson is this:
Love is a choice.
True love isn’t simply a fuzzy and warm feeling you have inside you. Love is a choice because when the reality of marriage hits you, you will soon realize that a lot of expectations are not met.
There are times when you will not feel the “love” you used to have with your spouse. There are times as well that you will hate your spouse. Not only that, there are times when you wish you were in a different situation.
That’s why love is a CHOICE. You choose to still love your spouse even if the “feeling” isn’t there. You still choose to love even if you don’t feel like it.
Remember that marriage brings two entirely different people. They have different upbringings, personalities, and habits.
There will come a time when the two will clash. Marital misunderstanding and fights are not a question of if, but when.
Conflicts are bound to happen.
In those moments, you will need to choose whether to still love your spouse or not.
This is what true love means.
True love demands great effort, discipline, and conscious decision.
We may all have different love languages. We feel and express love in different ways. That’s why you must be willing to speak the love language of your spouse even if you don’t feel like it.
Because that’s what love is really about. Doing something that you might not like but you still do it anyway because it is what makes your spouse feel loved.
Love is an outgoing concern and care. It is not selfish. It always thinks about the welfare of the other person. You make decisions, not by yourself, but you make decisions together.
Now, here’s the good news.
Because love is a choice then it means we are all capable of loving.
We are creatures of decisions we make. Thus, we need to make sure that our decision leads to a loving and caring relationship.
We can all make that choice to love rather than to hate, to care rather than ignore, to build rather than destroy, to compliment rather than to nag, to forgive rather than to be bitter, to encourage rather than to degrade, and to help rather than to disregard.
Again, love is a choice.
The moment you say, “I don’t love her/him anymore,” that’s the time you decide not to love. It is not because you simply fell out of love, but you simply gave up. A lot of marriages end up with this statement as if they are helpless, as if they don’t have a choice, as if they can’t do anything about it anymore.
It is actually not a reason good enough to leave a marriage, but rather it is just a mere excuse. Remember that you made a commitment before God and other people that you will love each other in health and sickness, in abundance and scarcity, and in life and death.
This one thing is true: love is something you do for your spouse. It is not something you do for yourself.
Love is a choice and you can start choosing to love today.
Best quotes from the 5 Love Languages Book
Here are some of the best quotes worth reading:
- What good is the house, the cars, the place at the beach, or any of the rest of it if your wife doesn’t love you?
- Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.
- The eternality of the “in love” experience is fiction, not fact.
- The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history… We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history
- Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.
- Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. In marriage, we do not always do the best or right thing.
- Love makes requests not demands…. however, you make demands, you have become not a lover but a tyrant.
- Many of us are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.
- Gifts are visual symbols of love.
- We are creatures of choice… Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.
- With empty love tanks, couples tend to argue and withdraw, and some may tend to be violent verbally or physically in their arguments. But when the love tank is full, we create a climate of friendliness, a climate that seeks to understand, that is willing to allow differences, and to negotiate problems.
⚠️ Must read: You can read more inspiring quotes in my post entitled, “The Best Christian Quotes of All Time.“
Read The Five Love Languages Book
There you have it, friends, my book review and a summary of the book, The Five Love Languages. I highly recommend you read this book if you wish you learn how to make relationships work. Single or married, you will surely benefit from this book.