There are many lessons I’ve learned within my first year of being married – lessons I wouldn’t learn when I was still a single guy doing my own thing. It was just like yesterday when I married my best friend. Looking back, there are a lot of things I learned as a man and a child of God. These lessons are very important and I believe that every man should know it before they get married.
In this blog, I would like to share with you 10 things I wish men knew before getting married. The sooner you learn them, the better your marriage will be.
1. Marriage will not save you from pornography
When I was still single, I thought my sexual desires would be satiated when I finally get married. However, I doubt this since I knew of some married men who still watch pornography.
On the first three months of my marriage, I was happy that I don’t get tempted anymore lusting toward other women or watching pornographic materials. However, as the months pass by, there are times the temptation is getting stronger especially during the days when my wife and i refrain from contact.
For this reason, if you are addicted to pornography today, that you can’t go on a week without watching it and you are thinking that it will all be solved when you get married, you are DEAD WRONG.
Pornography addiction must be solved right NOW. You should not wait getting married. If you are addicted today, there is a BIG CHANCE that it will continue even after you have your wife.
2. Selecting a spouse is one of the BIGGEST decisions you will make
Getting married is not a joke. It is something that should be taken seriously. NEVER EVER base your decision on emotions because emotions are unstable. I would not take away the fact that emotions should also play a role in choosing a mate. However, you need to be objective as well. After getting married, you will be stuck with that person for the rest of your life. Therefore, be sure that you are doing it for the right reason and purpose.
Furthermore, a more important point should be made here. Before deciding to get into a relationship and committing to a person, you need to be committed to God first. As a man, how can you make a commitment to a woman if you can’t even make a more SIGNIFICANT commitment to God?
3. Seek GODLY counsel before getting married
The advice I get from our pastor, friends and parents are really priceless. Never underestimate how it can prepare you for the married life. They are the people who already went through marriage and they can impart great wisdom and knowledge.
There are just some things that you are not able to see that other people can see. You might be blinded by emotions but by asking those who are spiritually mature in your church, you will soon discover how to make better decisions.
Asking for godly advice should start way before you are planning to court someone. Before even getting into a relationship, ask the advice of those whom you trust whether it is wise to court a particular person or not. In every stage of your relationship, you need to continually ask for sound advice.
4. You really don’t know your wife until you live under one roof
I thought that I knew everything about my wife when we were still dating. Nevertheless, there are things that you will discover only when you are with her 24/7 (since I work at home, we’re always together).
You discover some pleasant things while others are not so pleasant. Her real character is revealed when you will have heated arguments. You will also see how she handles things in the house. Of course, this works both ways. You will also hear her exclaiming, “so this is the real you, huh?” So enjoy the things you share in common while learning from the areas in which you are different.
5. A lot of your expectations will not (or never) be met
When I was single, I always envisioned me and my wife doing healthy lifestyle. I always imagined us jogging together every morning. But after almost a year, that only happened once! I still jog on my own while my wife stays at home preparing breakfast.
My point here is that there are expectations that you thought will happen after getting married. You need to be prepared to the reality that not all expectations will be met. That’s just how it works and you need to accept that.
6. Your wife will try to change you
My wife and I grew up differently. We have different backgrounds and those things make us unique. However, that uniqueness sometimes becomes a source of friction. In the first and second month, my wife will see some of my habits that she thinks are unacceptable. She will always remind me to keep the bathroom door closed; avoid burping in front of her; arrange my plate after eating; and even take a bath before sleeping.
Of course, I admit those things are bad habits. In times like this, be thankful that you have a wife who wants to improve you. Follow her lead when it comes to changing you for the better.
7. There’s no more “I”, but “us”
This is the very first thing I realize after getting married. I realized that getting married means you are now attached to your better-half. From now on, you must take into consideration the welfare and opinion of your wife in every decision you make.
Before, if I want to play basketball, I don’t need to tell anyone. But when I got married, I have to let my wife know and how long it would take me. Before, I can easily go to the store and buy what I want, but now I need to ask my wife if it is within our budget.
These are just some of things that demonstrate this point. Getting married teaches you to think of other people before making a decision. I believe God use marriage to teach us valuable lessons.
8. Courting does not stop on your wedding day
This is something that every man should realize. Men have a “hunter” attitude. We hunt for a mate and do whatever we can to catch them. After catching them, we drag our prey in our cave. After that, we tend to just hang them on our wall as a trophy and everything just stop there.
This must never be the case for Christian men. Women are emotional. They feel loved when you put the effort in making them feel like a queen. You don’t really need to spend money on courting, but simple gestures of endearment will do. She will also highly appreciate if you help in doing house chores.
9. Swallow your pride when necessary
Don’t let your pride set a wedge in your relationship. Men naturally have more pride than women. It can be a fatal mistake to put more importance on your pride than nourishing your relationship. Sometimes, the most powerful word in your marriage is sorry. Recognize when you need to say this word. Sometimes, even if you are not on the wrong side, stay humble and put the effort of reaching out to your wife. This is how to make your married life work.
10. Your life will forever change when you have a child
My wife is now on her second trimester. When she told me that she is pregnant, I have mixed emotions. I am happy because I will soon be a father, but I am also anxious whether I can fulfill my fatherly duty or not. I need to be prepared financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for our child.
I soon realize that life is way different when you are just living on your own. Having a wife and a child radically changes the way I think. My life was changed when I got married, but I didn’t know that it will further change the day my wife got pregnant. Now, I am excited for our first child and I hope I would be a good father and husband to my family.
There is no doubt that the married life is tough. Yes, I was happy being single, but I did not realize how happier I can be when I get married. God designed marriage to typify the relationship that Jesus Christ has with the church (Ephesians 5:22-32).
Above all, don’t forget to make God as the center of your relationship. Without God, our small arguments can easily turn into major conflict. But since we are both committed to God, we know we have a higher accountability to Him. Thus, we have a duty not just to be responsible mates, but also responsible Christians.
There are many lessons that you can only learn when you are married. Sooner or later, these lessons will make you spiritually mature and prepared to rule in the coming kingdom of God (Revelation 5:10).
How about you? Would you like to share other lessons not mentioned here? Feel free to comment. If you think this post is helpful, please consider sharing it to your friends.