Should You Marry Someone Who Isn’t a Virgin? What Every Christian Needs to Know

I came across a post online that really hit me. A young man shared how he and his fiancée used to live in sin before finding Christ. They’ve both repented. They’ve both decided to honor God in their relationship and remain celibate until marriage.

But now that they’ve turned their lives around, he finds himself struggling with something he never used to think about. His fiancée isn’t a virgin. And even though he knows she’s forgiven, even though she’s reassured him over and over again, he can’t shake the thought that she once shared something intimate with another man.

He asked, “Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is it wrong to marry someone who isn’t a virgin, or am I just letting my emotions get the best of me?”

Here’s his full Reddit post:

My fiancée and I have been together for a little over a year and recently got engaged two weeks ago. When we first started dating, neither of us was walking with God.

I had grown up Christian but drifted away from my faith around sixteen, and she had grown up going to youth group and Bible studies but wasn’t really active in her faith when we met. About six months ago, I started feeling strong convictions and decided to return to church, read my Bible, and pray again and she did too. Now we’re both trying to grow in our faith, live according to God’s Word, and do things the right way.

That brings me to the struggle I’ve been having. She was the first person I ever slept with. Early in our relationship, I didn’t think much about the fact that she had been with someone once before. We were both living in sin then and slept together many times ourselves. But now that we’ve chosen to be celibate and honor God in our relationship going on about three months I’ve been battling thoughts about her not being a virgin when we get married.

It hurts sometimes to think that she shared something so intimate with someone else, something I wish had only been shared between us. We’ve talked about it several times. She’s told me it’s one of her biggest regrets, that she’s prayed for forgiveness many times, and that she believes any soul ties have been broken. Even with her reassurance, those thoughts still creep in from time to time. I’m really trying to understand—am I wrong for feeling this way?

Is marrying someone who isn’t a virgin actually bad, or am I letting my emotions get the better of me?

Maybe you’ve felt that way too. Maybe you’ve looked at someone you love and wrestled with those same emotions.

Let’s talk about it.

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1. Your feelings are real. But they’re not the full story.

Let’s be honest. It’s hard not to feel that sting. When you love someone deeply, the thought of them being that close to someone else can hurt. It’s not about being controlling or judgmental. It’s about how sacred intimacy feels to you.

So don’t beat yourself up for feeling something real. But also remember this: our feelings are not always faithful guides. They tell us how we feel, but they don’t always tell us what’s true.

You see, emotions are like waves. They rise, they crash, they fade. But truth? Truth stays steady.

And the truth is this: God’s forgiveness is far greater than anyone’s past. Including yours. Including hers.

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2. Purity isn’t about perfection. It’s about redemption.

Somewhere along the way, a lot of Christians started ranking sins. We don’t mean to, but we do it. We treat sexual sin as if it’s in a different category, as if it’s harder to forgive or somehow stains a person forever.

But Scripture says otherwise.

Paul reminded the church in Corinth, a city known for its immorality, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11, NKJV)

Did you catch that? “Such were some of you.” Past tense.

That means when God forgives, He doesn’t leave a trace of the old you. He doesn’t label you by what you did. He calls you by who you are in Him.

So if you’re looking at your fiancée through the lens of her past, you’re looking through the wrong lens. God sees her as clean. Washed. Redeemed.

And that’s how you’re called to see her, too.

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3. Don’t let comparison steal what God is building.

One of the enemy’s favorite tricks is to whisper, “You’ll never be enough.” Or, “She gave something to someone else that should’ve been yours.”

If you listen to that voice long enough, you’ll poison the very love God is blessing.

Your relationship right now is honoring God. You’ve both turned from sin. You’re both walking in obedience. That’s not shameful. That’s beautiful.

You’re not marrying her past. You’re marrying her present—and her future in Christ.

Purity isn’t about what you’ve never done. It’s about what you’ve chosen to do now. It’s about saying, “From this day forward, I will honor God with my body and my life.”

That’s what real purity looks like.

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4. Grace is stronger than regret.

The enemy wants you to stare at the past. God wants you to walk toward redemption.

Your story as a couple isn’t ruined because of what once was. It’s redeemed because of what now is.

Every mistake forgiven by Christ becomes a testimony of His mercy. Every scar becomes a reminder of grace. And when two people who’ve been forgiven come together in love and obedience, that marriage becomes a living picture of redemption.

Let grace speak louder than regret.

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5. Love her like Christ loves the Church.

Here’s what it all comes down to.

Marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s love for His bride, the Church. And how does Christ love us? He doesn’t see us covered in guilt or shame. He sees us spotless. Pure. Whole.

Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her… that she should be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:25–27, NKJV)

That’s how you’re called to love her.

If Jesus doesn’t hold her past against her, why should you?

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Final Thoughts

You’re not wrong for feeling what you feel. But don’t let those feelings define your future. Let truth do that.

God is not ashamed of what He has forgiven.

When you both stand before Him on your wedding day, you won’t be two people burdened by your past. You’ll be two people made new.

So don’t let shame write your story. Let grace finish it.