Most people think they’ve forgiven… when they really haven’t.
We say, “It’s fine, I’ve moved on.”
We smile. We go to church. We even pray for the person sometimes.
But deep down?
There’s still a sting when their name comes up.
A tightening in your chest when you see their face.
A silent replay of the moment they hurt you—again and again.
Here’s the hard truth: forgiveness is not forgetting what happened, but being free from its hold.
And too many of us are walking around spiritually imprisoned while convincing ourselves we’re free.
Jesus didn’t say forgiveness would be easy. He said it was necessary.
Because as long as bitterness remains in your heart, healing can’t begin.
So before you move on thinking you’ve already forgiven, let’s pause.
Let’s get real.
Here are 7 signs you haven’t truly forgiven someone—and how to start healing God’s way.
📢 Do you want to learn more about forgiveness? If yes, you need to read my full blog, “What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness? (20 Powerful Truths to Know).”
1. You Still Rehearse the Offense in Your Mind
You tell the story of how you were wronged like it just happened yesterday. You replay it in your head because it still hurts.
But the more you relive it, the more power you give it.
The Bible says, “Love thinks no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:5, NKJV).
True forgiveness lets go of the need to revisit the wound.
2. You Feel Bitterness When You See Them Blessed
If their success or happiness still irritates you, your heart isn’t free.
Bitterness poisons you, not them.
Hebrews 12:15 warns, “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble.”
Forgiveness uproots that poison before it destroys your peace.
3. You Want Them to Feel What You Felt
That quiet wish that they’d “finally get what they deserve”? That’s a sign your heart is still holding the gavel.
But God says, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay” (Romans 12:19, NKJV).
When you forgive, you release the need for justice into God’s hands—because you trust Him to handle what you can’t.
4. You Avoid Them at All Costs
You say you’ve forgiven, but you change direction when you see them coming.
Sometimes space is healthy. But avoidance that stems from resentment is a red flag.
Forgiveness doesn’t always restore closeness—but it removes hostility.
5. You Still Define Them by What They Did
If their mistake is the only thing you can see when you think of them, you haven’t let go.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase memory—it replaces judgment with grace.
Remember how God treats you: “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17, NKJV)
6. You Struggle to Pray for Them
Let’s be real—it’s hard to pray for someone who hurt you.
But nothing softens the heart faster than praying for their good.
Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you.” (Matthew 5:44, NKJV)
If you can’t yet pray for them, ask God to help you want to.
Top 3 Christian Books on Marriage November 2025
7. You Still Feel Bound When You Remember Them
If thinking about that person brings tension, heaviness, or resentment, your soul isn’t free yet.
Forgiveness isn’t just for their sake—it’s for yours.
It’s the key that unlocks your peace, joy, and intimacy with God.
As long as you hold on to the pain, you hold yourself hostage.
But when you forgive, you finally breathe again.
How to Start Healing
Start where you are. Be honest with God. Tell Him, “Lord, I want to forgive, but I don’t know how.”
He can handle your honesty.
Then choose—yes, choose—to release the person in prayer.
Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve freedom.
Because Jesus forgave you when you didn’t deserve it either.
Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) reminds us:
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
❤️ A Final Word
If this message hit home, it’s because God is inviting you to heal.
You don’t have to stay stuck in anger, guilt, or regret. There’s freedom waiting for you on the other side of forgiveness.
👉 Ready to go deeper?
Discover the life-changing truths that will completely transform how you see forgiveness.
Read my full blog:
What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness? (20 Powerful Truths to Know)
Because when you understand how deeply God has forgiven you, forgiving others becomes possible—even beautiful.