Let me say something that may shock you: forgiveness isn’t fair. In fact, forgiveness might be one of the most unfair, unreasonable, and scandalous commands in all of Scripture.
Think about it.
If someone lies to you, betrays you, humiliates you, or even destroys part of your life—shouldn’t they pay?
Shouldn’t they feel the weight of what they did until justice is served?
That’s what the world tells us.
“Don’t forgive until they apologize.”
“Cut them off—they don’t deserve another chance.”
“Hold on to your anger; it’s the only thing keeping you strong.”
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: unforgiveness is not power—it’s poison.
It doesn’t destroy the other person; it destroys you.
And Yahshua (Jesus Christ) makes it even harder.
He doesn’t say, “Forgive if you feel like it” or “Forgive when they prove themselves.” No, He says:
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14–15, NKJV)
Ouch.
That cuts deep, doesn’t it?
Because forgiveness isn’t just about the other person—it’s about our relationship with God.
So let’s talk about how to forgive one another—not in theory, but in real life.
Because this command isn’t optional. It’s essential.
Why Forgiveness Feels Impossible
Let’s be real for a moment.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things God asks us to do.
You can memorize Scripture, pray every day, and even serve at church—but if you’re holding grudges in your heart, you’re living in chains.
Why?
Because forgiveness goes against every natural instinct we have.
Our flesh screams, “They don’t deserve it!”
And you know what? That’s true.
But neither do we.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23, NKJV)
Every one of us has wounded God more deeply than anyone has ever wounded us.
Yet what does He do? He forgives. Freely. Fully. Without conditions.
If God waited until we “deserved” His forgiveness, we’d all be doomed.
That’s the starting point: recognizing that forgiveness isn’t about fairness—it’s about grace.
Forgiveness Is a Choice, Not a Feeling
Here’s the mistake so many people make: they wait until they feel like forgiving before they do it.
But if you wait for your emotions to catch up, you’ll never forgive.
Forgiveness is a decision.
A conscious act of the will.
You choose to forgive, even when every nerve in your body screams against it.
And here’s the amazing part: when you step out in obedience, God begins to heal your heart. The feelings follow the choice.
Colossians 3:13 (NKJV) says:
“bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”
Notice that word must. Not “should,” not “might,” not “when you’re ready.”
Forgiveness isn’t optional for a believer.
It’s commanded.
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What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)
Now, let me clear up a big misconception.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending it never happened.
It does not mean staying in a toxic or abusive relationship.
And it does not mean the offender faces no consequences.
Forgiveness means you release the person from the debt they owe you.
You stop carrying the burden of bitterness. You hand the case over to God.
Romans 12:19 (NKJV) puts it perfectly:
“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
When you forgive, you’re not saying, “What they did was okay.”
You’re saying, “I trust God to deal with them justly, and I refuse to let their sin imprison me any longer.”
That’s freedom.
Practical Steps to Forgive
So, how do you actually do it?
Forgiveness sounds good in theory, but what about when the pain is raw and real?
Here are some practical steps:
- Acknowledge the hurt. Don’t minimize it. Don’t brush it aside. Forgiveness isn’t denial—it starts with honesty. Tell God exactly how you feel. He can handle your raw emotions.
- Remember God’s forgiveness. The more you meditate on how much Yahweh has forgiven you, the easier it becomes to forgive others. The cross is the ultimate reminder.
- Pray for the person. This one is tough. At first, your prayers may sound like, “God, I don’t even want to pray for them—but help me.” Over time, prayer softens your heart and transforms your perspective.
- Speak forgiveness out loud. Sometimes you need to verbalize it: “Father, I choose to forgive [name]. I release them into Your hands.” There’s power in your words.
- Repeat as needed. Forgiveness isn’t always a one-time event. Sometimes the wound reopens, and you need to forgive again. That’s okay. Peter asked Yahshua if forgiving seven times was enough. Yahshua replied, “seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:22, NKJV).
The Cost of Unforgiveness
Let me be blunt: unforgiveness will ruin your life.
It will poison your relationships, rob your joy, and even harm your health.
Studies show bitterness increases stress, anxiety, and depression. But more importantly, it damages your soul.
Yahshua told the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21–35).
The servant was forgiven an enormous debt but refused to forgive someone who owed him a tiny amount.
The result?
He was thrown into prison until he paid all he owed.
That’s a picture of what happens to us spiritually. When we refuse to forgive, we lock ourselves in a prison of bitterness.
The key is in our hands—but we often refuse to use it.
The Freedom of Forgiveness
Here’s the good news: when you forgive, you are the one set free.
Think about the cross for a moment.
As Yahshua hung there, bleeding, suffocating, mocked by His enemies, He spoke the most radical words ever uttered:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34, NKJV)
If He could forgive in that moment, there is nothing you cannot forgive with His strength.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past—but it redeems it.
It doesn’t mean you forget—but it means you no longer allow the wound to control you.
It is the door to peace, healing, and reconciliation.
Final Thoughts
Friend, I know forgiveness feels impossible sometimes.
Maybe the pain is too deep, the betrayal too sharp, the memory too fresh.
But remember this: forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you and God.
Choosing to forgive doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you free.
It makes you more like Christ.
And it unleashes healing you never thought possible.
So I’ll leave you with this challenge: Who do you need to forgive today?
What name comes to mind right now?
Don’t put it off.
Don’t wait until you “feel ready.”
Choose forgiveness.
Speak it.
Pray it.
Release it.
And watch what God will do.
Because the most radical, countercultural, powerful act you can ever do is this: forgive.
